your parents love me but you hate me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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