Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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