There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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