He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
