Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
