i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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