i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
