before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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