who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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