the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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