there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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