I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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