I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
