Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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