Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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