i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
