I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
