If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
