sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't deserve a penis
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
