Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
