but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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