i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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