I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
