My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
