No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
