jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
