I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
