did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
