best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
