i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
