I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
