At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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