Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
