everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
