whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
