I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
