Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
