it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
