After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
