i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All the doctor said was why
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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