Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
