Can Purell be used as lube?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
