I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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