I think my fart just growled at me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
