Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
