I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
