the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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