both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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