I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
