When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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